(Note: What follows is the message I sent to fans, customers, and friends just a few days ago, after making the difficult decision to part ways with the world's largest online book retailer.)

Hello friends!

Well, it's not every day that you have to fire the richest man in the free world.

It's not every day the richest man in the free world deserves to get fired, either.

Here's the story.

The richest individual in the world is the Tsar of Russia, Vladimir Putin. ('Tsar' isn't really his official title, but let's call it what it is.) He's stolen state assets worth roughly $200 Billion.

In the free world, where personal appropriation of state assets is still only done a little bit (like funneling taxpayer cash to resorts owned by a prominent political figure, for example) and not on anything like Vladimir's hugely impressive scale, the richest man is worth $130B. His name is Jeff Bezos, and he runs a little outfit you might have heard of, called Amazon.

Among other things, Amazon sells books. Two months after they sell these books to readers, Amazon may or may not pay royalties to the authors of those books. This arrangement is often just fine, but occasionally, when Jeff's company decides unilaterally in its algorithmic omniscience NOT to pay authors, it's not fine.

Case in point: Jeff's company recently reached an AI-driven decision to withhold a very large percentage of my earnings from book sales. This strange decision awakened my natural curiosity, and also my I-want-to-punch-someone-in-the-effing-mouth reflex (this is a very strong reflex, it turns out).

Evidently, Jeff's algorithms detected "suspicious activity" around one of my novels. This activity was nefarious enough, according to the AI, to warrant the (money-saving) decision on Amazon's part not to bleeping pay me.

Once my blood pressure returned to normal, I typed out a surprisingly genial request for information in response to the imperious and officious email proclamation Jeff's robots sent to me. "Hello," I began, "Please kindly provide a few details outlining why you have decided not to pay me this month."

The reply from the robots was both instantaneous and priceless: "We have reviewed your case and have decided to uphold our decision."

Really? Amazon reviewed the case? In the forty-five nanoseconds it took for the autoresponder message to make its way to my inbox?

LOL.

But it gets better: "As we previously stated, we cannot offer details of our investigations."

Investigations? There was an investigation? Holy bleep! This sounds bleeping serious! Man, I'd love to know what this investigation uncovered! Are there Russian agents running fake Facebook ads and getting fake buyers to download real (digital) copies of my novels? This must be stopped!

Or something.

But this little gem sent me through the roof: "We detected reading or borrow activities for your books originating from accounts attempting to manipulate Kindle services. We take activities that jeopardize the experience of our readers and other authors very seriously. You are responsible for ensuring that the strategies you use to promote your books comply with our Terms and Conditions."

Umm... Manipulate? Strategies? Terms and... what?

The implication was not even a little bit nuanced: Amazon accused me of paying for fake downloads, and withheld royalty payment as a result.

Which would have been perfectly fine... if I were actually committing fraud.

Trouble is, I'm not actually committing fraud. I write books, distribute them, and run an occasional advertisement (often through Amazon!) to help sell those books to real humans. Fraud? Manipulation? Puh-leez.

So I gave the whole thing a little time to settle and I allowed the rational side of my brain to engage again. I'm certain there's nothing overtly evil going on over at your friendly neighborhood world-dominating online retailer. Jeff has a big company full of real and virtual employees, plus a board of directors and shareholders to answer to, and I'm sure fraud is a real problem for him. But to make an accusation of fraud, withhold royalties, and refuse to explain the (false) accusation? That's not quite right.

Turns out I wasn't the only author similarly accused. So far, I'm aware of nearly a hundred (and counting) other authors who all received the same indifferent and tone-deaf response from the 'Zon -- after also having their royalties withheld, and after also being falsely accused of attempting to "manipulate" Amazon's system.

So... why am I wasting your time with all of this silliness?

Well, it led me to a difficult conclusion that will have some impact on you if a) you're a loyal Amazon customer and b) you're interested in reading my novels in the future.

My conclusion is that Jeff and his robots -- well-intentioned or otherwise -- probably shouldn't be trusted with life-or-death power over my career as an author.

Often our interests -- Jeff's and my own -- coincide happily. But what happens when, as in this case, they suddenly don't? I can whine and moan and squeal, but Jeff has all the power in this relationship. He can simply refuse to pay my royalties. He doesn't even need a legitimate reason. He can accuse me of fraud anytime he wants, refuse to reveal the "results" of his "investigations", and then, in response to my queries for details, simply say that he has chosen to uphold his decision.

So... while it's been a good run with The World's Longest River...

I have fired Jeff Bezos and his company as authorized distributors of my books.

Amazon has done a lot of great things for authors, and for me personally. And it's a two-way street -- Amazon has made a lot of money selling my books.

But I've come to realize that if there's to be any future in the book business for me (and I hope there will be, because I really do enjoy writing those silly stories), it won't be under Jeff's thumb. Or his robots' thumbs. (If they even have thumbs. Maybe they just have subroutines or logic trees or something. That's not a very powerful metaphor, though, so we'll stick to thumbs.)

It will take a bit of time to effect the change, but my books will no longer be available on Amazon.

So, what does that mean to you if you're a Kindle reader? All of my books will still be available in Kindle format (and any other digital format under the sun, plus paperbacks but excluding hard cover), but they won't be available through Amazon.

Because... well... screw Amazon.

:)

I realize this move will anger some Amazon stalwarts who have been with me for years. For those folks, my message is just this: thank you so much for reading all these silly stories over the years, and I hope you'll consider getting my new stuff (available in Kindle format, of course) from my website. You'll pay a little less, I'll make a little more, and together we'll assert our independence from Big Data. :)

OK... so... on to something fun for a change!

The Quinn Deception is FINALLY in the home stretch. Yep, it's been another grueling process, but I'm really happy with where it stands, and I hope you'll enjoy it as well! Please stay tuned, and I'll keep you posted as we get closer.

Phew. If you've read all the way down to here... you totally deserve a big slice of chocolate cake. Or a shot of bourbon. Or both. :)

Thank you again for reading, and have a great weekend!

Lars

P.S. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this issue (or any other). We all love the convenience and price competition that Amazon's rise to superpower status has brought, but there are some troubling side effects, too. Where do you think all of this is headed? Drop me a line at [email protected] and let me know what you think!